Storms Make Trees Take Deeper Roots

Apr 02, 2025

∙ Paid

Dolly Parton

I love Dolly. She’s a true American Icon, and she’s shown an incredible mix of strength, humor, kindness, and authenticity over her long and meandering career.

Despite being the butt of the joke for her looks, or her accent, or her past, she’s a talent who’s proven herself immune to bad publicity or bad behavior. She’s already lived many of her lives, but she keeps plugging along, surprising us with each new endeavor.

I’m listening to her life advice.

We are living in stormy weather, and we need deeper roots.

In the truest sense of the word, the weather has become frightening. Some storms come with no warning. Expect the Unexpected.

Watching the news this morning, I am prepared to see horrors unfold over the next few days to hours.

I’m so sorry for everyone who will experience the next destructive forces. Every time I feel so sad, and I know, I am very likely to experience one of these catastrophic events in my lifetime, and maybe more than once.

We’ve learned to prepare, to harden the house., but it doesn’t work for all things. There will be unexpected floods and tornadoes, and unstoppable fires and hurricanes. We can follow all the steps for defense and preparation, but none of it is a guarantee.

But how do you harden your heart to deal with the storms of life?

If you’re braving the storm with a hardened heart, you’ll miss the whole point of surviving.

So many days, we go to bed okay and wake up to destruction of one kind or another. Mornings are fraught these days.

I'm tired of having a big bowl of emotional upheaval with my morning coffee.

I spend less time on the morning news and more time with the dogs and the plants on my little patch of grass.

How to harden the house while keeping your delicate heart open.

I’ve had a lot of unexpected shifts in relationships lately, some good, some less so. Some friendships have grown closer, with intention. I’ve reached for the people I look to for support and guidance, and we’ve made our deals to hold each other up.

And some people I set adrift, not out of malice, but the realization that I do not want to spend such precious time on circumstances that don’t fill my cup. And DEFINITELY not on those who drain it.

I love being alone, and I need real quiet and downtime to charge my batteries. I used to feel bad about it or worry that I’d eventually stop being invited to things. But I learned to let that go and be honest with people about my capacity. I’m pleasantly surprised at how people respond with kindness and understanding when you say, “I’m fried, and my calendar of obligations isn’t allowing me free time. right now.”

People get it. And they might be envious of your ability to self-preserve. You might even be a role model for showing others how to be transparent about your needs.

I think of this as hardening my house: setting some boundaries, working with honesty, and allowing myself to be less concerned about how others perceive me. When I’m more emotionally and energetically balanced, I can be more myself in social situations and have fun without resentment.

It might mean saying no to the kids or missing one of their engagements, but for the most part, they don’t mind. Sometimes, they come to ME and say, “Mom, I need a lazy weekend. Can we keep it close to home?”

That makes me so proud because I feel like we are teaching them about self-regulation and self-preservation, which has been the demise of an entire generation.

In a world of constant stimulation, you have to learn to control your surroundings, consolidate your energy, and rely on reliable people.

You must strengthen your fortress.

After consuming personal growth books for 20 years, I’ll tell you what they all have in common:

All the answers are found inside of YOU.

NO matter what your problem is, YOU are the solution.

It’s no one’s fault. There’s no one to blame.

It’s time to let go and move on.

When you realize that YOU hold all the keys to your future, you learn that strength is not fixed and flexibility increases your capacity.

Having strong roots increases the capacity to stay flexible. No one wants to endure their whole life; endurance is a skill, not a strategy. We must learn to thrive despite the fire, wind, and rain.

Life is filled with trauma and bad things happen all the time. Either you let it break you, or you rebuild. And the best news is - rebuilding is still possible even after you’ve broken.

Your fortress expands when you get courageous enough to look inside, face your fears, accept your responsibilities, and hear the voice of your heart.

As long as you’re out banging the drums you’ll feel the power, but you won’t hear your heart. You can scream and shout and cry and rage, but that’s adding chaos. Chaos doesn’t move people, organization does.

It’s in the stillness, not the uproar.

Stillness is mistaken for inaction, but all the power of the ocean is still there, even when she’s quiet.

When your words come from the heart they resonate, and the quiet builds bonds that buttress the wind.

These days, I spend more time in stillness, concentrating on my family, my friends, and my focus. I let the rest go by.

As my thoughts clear, I can hear the whispers of my own heart.

I can keep writing every week, hoping I get that one message that says, “Thanks, I needed that.”

I am working on strengthening my fortress without closing up my heart.

When your heart leads the charge, you are lighting the way for those still struggling in the dark.

Stay healthy by clearing out flying debris.

Do you notice all the clutter in your life?

Papers, clothes, coffee mugs…

If tariffs on goods curb our addiction to buying junk and clutter, then we’ve been done a solid.

But emotional clutter lying around is like flying debris. You think it’s just sitting there, and you’ll get to it one day. And then it flies up unexpectedly and busts open a window.

These are preventable problems.

Some relationships go sour but still sit in the fridge. Letting go is hard and uncomfortable, so we prefer to avoid it, letting things fester, instead.

Disagreements with neighbors become passive-aggressive micro-feuds that color the experience at home.

Feelings about our families that we aren’t willing to address but we won’t let go of.

And the little nagging voice in your head that’s telling you to stop trying and give up.

Or maybe it tells you don’t bother trying; it will never work.

Or it tells you you’re too old, fat, weird, quiet, loud, stupid, dumb, dull, boring, bitchy, mean…

We all have that little voice who knows our deepest insecurities.

This is emotional flying debris, and it’s dangerous to leave it lying around.

You’ve got to deal with your issues. The longer you wait, the worse they get. The worse your anticipation gets. The worse your expectation gets. The worse your anxiety gets. The worse your avoiding gets…

The best thing you can do is face it. You might need help to do that, and you should get it. You might need a plan, so make one. You might need a friend, so open up about it.

When you get rid of the flying debris, storms are much safer.

I know you have a lot going on, we all do. But we will keep going. And those of us who do the daily work will thrive, not just endure.

Take small steps every day to feel better, communicate better, love more, and rage less.

Strengthen your fortress and clear out flying debris. Harden the house while keeping your heart open.

Thanks for your support.

With love,

Dr. Erin

Storms Make Trees Take Deeper Roots